Swimsuit mistakes to avoid as the weather gets warmer
Ah, summer. Whether you’re spending it lathered in coconut oil while relaxing on the beach in the Bahamas or drinking champagne on some eccentric millionaire’s yacht as you glide through crystal clear waters in the South of France, everything’s just better when the sun’s out. Well, almost everything.
We’re all for making a splash at the beach (hey, you didn’t slave away at the gym to hide that body) but make sure it’s for all the right reasons… unlike the beach attire we’re about to reveal to you. Since we’ve been exposed to these questionable swimsuits, we feel that it’s only fair that you should also not be able to unsee them, either.
Here’s our list of men’s swimwear that give us the willies (and not in a good way):
- The Budgie Smuggler: Ah, we Aussies love our slang. This one probably needs no introduction, if not for the visual name. Simply put, imagine a budgerigar concealed in the front of your Y-front swimming trunks. Squished. With every crease of your manhood on display. Yes, it sounds as painful as it looks. A former Prime Minister of ours wore one back in 2009 and we’ve been fondly ridiculing him ever since.
- The Slingshot: Also affectionately known as The Borat Mankini, don’t wear this swimsuit out in public unless you want to get arrested for being “indecent,” like the six Czech tourists who were fined back in 2017 for wandering around a Kazakhstan beach wearing what can only be described as “leaving little to the imagination."
- The Boomewang: This is another nod to our friends Down Under (and we have it on good authority that they won’t even wear it there). Basically, this is a half-thong bathing suit and it’s just as uncomfortable as it looks. A cross between a thong and a boomerang, a single piece of material is placed over one hip and in between the buttocks, strategically covering the package on its way around. Just… no.
- Curtains of Shame: Unless you’re a Cali surfer from the ‘90s or 15 years old, we don’t think you should invest in a pair of oversized board shorts that typically come emblazoned with tacky neon graphics. Plus, think about those mid-thigh tan lines you’ll inevitably get from being out in the sun all day. Eww, no thanks.
- The Crotch-et: We’ve said it once and we’ll say it again: knitted anything has no place at a beach. Made of cotton and reminiscent of our dear old grannies, we don’t know how on earth wearing a crochet swimsuit could possibly be comfortable in the water. If you get itchy wearing a scarf in the fall, imagine what this will do to your private parts… and, oh goodness, what happens when this monstrosity gets wet!?
We feel that we should take a moment here to give a gentle reminder that what’s good for the bedroom isn’t often what’s good for the public. While we love and appreciate the male anatomy, there’s some things that are better enjoyed behind closed doors.
Even if you have a killer bod, we implore you to not enter any sandy white beaches in any of these aforementioned babies. Just do yourself - and the rest of the beachgoers - a favour by retaining your dignity and going beach-bound in a suitable swimsuit.
What is acceptable for a man to wear to the beach?
So, we’ve discussed what not to wear, which leaves us thinking about what can you wear? Easy: just select anything from the DailyJocks’ swimsuit range. From low-rise briefs to shorts and swim trunks, our collection is the perfect blend of comfort, style and affordability.
The great news is, wherever you are in the world, you’re never too far from owning a pair of our swimwear. We ship globally and delivery is usually 2-4 business days from our head office in Australia. Most importantly, our items are shipped in discreet packages so nosy neighbours won’t know what that package is on your doorstep. And, with tracking available for purchases over $50, you’ll be able to locate the whereabouts of your items during the entire delivery process.
At DailyJocks, we’ve got the perfect designer swimwear for you. Buy online now!